Lee Teng's wife after miscarriage: 'I wanted to destroy myself'

PHOTO: Instagram/ ginalin__

On July 28, local TV host Lee Teng wrote on his Instagram that he and his wife Gina Lin had lost their unborn baby boy.

Lin, 28, was around six months pregnant with "Xiao Dou Ya" — Chinese for "Little Bean Sprout" and the couple's nickname for their baby — when she miscarried.

After a period of silence, Lin uploaded a post to her Instagram earlier today (Aug 6). Accompanying the long emotional message to Xiao Dou Ya is an image of a baby lying happily on a crescent moon.

"When the incident happened, I blamed myself deeply for a period of time. I wanted to close myself off, even destroy myself," Lin wrote.

"I couldn't bring myself to leave home to face anyone or anything. I was afraid that people would ask me about you. I was afraid to see people whispering to each other when they see me. I started to dislike myself and the world."

Lin said she kept wondering why she was made to go through such pain when she likes children so much and had never done anything bad in her life.

View this post on Instagram

事情發生後我一度很責怪自己 我開始想要封閉甚至毀滅自己 我無法出門面對任何人事物 我害怕大家見到我就問有關你的事 我害怕看到人家在我面前竊竊私語 我開始討厭自己 討厭這個世界 我不斷的問 我那麼喜歡小孩 而且我這一生沒有做什麼壞事 為什麼卻要我去承受這一切的痛苦 我想這種痛是一輩子的 難以忘懷 我開始懷疑自己是不是根本走不出來 甚至連最愛我的老公也狠狠的推開 看著自己的身體都是你來過的痕跡 才發現你的出現是帶著滿滿的愛 你的離開應該也是要帶著滿滿的愛才對 有一種愛 很想念卻無法相見 有一種愛 很滿溢卻無法付出 謝謝你讓我知道我有多麼愛孩子 謝謝你帶來給我好多好多的幸福 謝謝你讓我學會好好珍惜當下 爹地媽咪等你準備好 如果你願意也記得回來找我們 媽咪也會用最好的一面迎接你 很抱歉這段時間讓身邊的大家擔心了 你們的簡訊和有些媽咪分享的故事 你們的心意我都有看到收到 但其實這時什麼都不用說 而我最需要的是 身邊的家人和愛人擁抱和陪伴就夠了 還請原諒我無法一一回覆你們的訊息 也請再給我多一些時間重新站起來 謝謝老公 謝謝愛我的家人 也謝謝各位 小豆芽 媽咪想跟你說 媽咪每天有很努力的吃飯 媽咪每天有很努力的恢復 媽咪每天都很想你也學習著想你不流淚 爹地也一路陪在媽咪身邊 不要擔心我們 我們會好好努力的💙 媽咪愛你我的小天使👼🏻

A post shared by Gina Lin🌱 (@ginalin__) on Aug 5, 2020 at 9:08am PDT

It is a kind of pain that she would never get over with for the rest of her life, she added. She felt that she would not be able to walk out of her sadness and admitted she also pushed Lee Teng away.

She continued. "I looked at my body, which is full of traces of your presence, and it was then that I realised, your arrival came with lots of love. Your departure should also be accompanied by lots of love. There is a type of love where you cannot be with someone even if you miss them. And another kind where you might be brimming with love that has no outlet.

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"Thank you for making me realise how much I love children. Thank you for giving me so much happiness. Thank you for letting me learn to appreciate the present."

Lin also thanked Lee Teng, her family, and the public for their love and messages, asking for time to regain herself.

In her final heart-breaking words to Xiao Dou Ya, she said: "Mummy is working very hard to eat every day. Mummy is working very hard to recuperate. Mummy misses you very much every day and is learning not to cry when she thinks of you.

"Daddy is also with Mummy the entire way. Don't worry about us, we will work hard. Mummy loves you, my little angel."

ALSO READ: Lee Teng and wife devastated after she miscarries

kwokkarpeng@asiaone.com